Abuse Ain’t Sweet

Real quick, the topic of domestic violence is quite prevalent as we’ve seen so many young, single mothers be put in danger by their boyfriends, baby daddies, and all of that. For me, that is why I stayed single for so long, because I did not want to put my son or myself in any kind of danger. I often avoid and definitely do not like posts I see where women jokingly say that if they do anything like twerk on social media or while out with friends, or not answer a man’s phone call, he’ll pull up on them, dangerously.

Recently on TikTok, I was following this girl whose platform and niche started as a single woman, living with her grandparents, working from home with two daughters. The videos included work related things, along with funny moments with her kids, and her acting like someone’s grandmother. Eventually, I noticed that her vibe was changing to one of a young girl, smoking weed and being, weird, but not in a good way. Less of the content that brought many followers was being made. First, she said that she had a man and that we would not see him and I was like, great. Then all of a sudden, not only do we see this man, she is using her successful platform to promote his page, his rapping career (yeah), and his vegan cookie company.

Now, I’m all for people getting successful and selling really good products, because yes, I’m rooting for everyone black. And not only black but of color as well. But, per their videos, the vegan cookie preparation and preparative surfaces like the countertop, seemed unclean, so that was a no for me. Then, I’m never one to jump on someone who is clearly using someone else to come up. And with that being said, I recently heard this and this will now be used in my works, but “I support women’s wrongs, and I also support women’s rights,” but I do not support women who already been through a lot, just to go through worse with another man. A few months into their relationship, she moved out of her grandparents’ home and got a two-bedroom apartment with said boyfriend. Almost immediately, we see they are fighting. She got on live to say that they were fighting because he said that she did not clean enough, like the dishes. That’s a simple enough argument and they made-up.

By the next week, they were fighting again and this time, the police were called, she said she had to go get her gun and she said that he went and got a knife. She’d found out that he was cheating, less than a year in and she decided to kick him out of the apartment. But according to her, the police did not seem to be taking the situation seriously. Good thing they did not because a few hours later, he was back at the house.

The next day, she got back on TikTok and told everyone that if anything is said about the live, she’d block them. Some nerve, right? These are people who were concerned for not only her safety but also her daughters’ safety. So, I decided to just not even look at her page much on TikTok because that situation was very triggering to me. But the very next day, the very next day, she was back on live crying and saying that he was beating on her and that she was tired of him. She even went as far as to say that one of the things she started her page on was that she was vegan, even got brand deals from a vegan cereal company. She even went as far to say that she was not vegan and only became vegan because of him and she actually does not like the vegan meals and basically been over there, hungry.

But wait, that night, or morning, she gets back on live laughing and joking and again. She got back on live, there’s a knock on the door. And yes, it’s the guy. He comes in, doesn’t say a word, rolls some weed and they smoke together. Then, off camera, she loudly kisses him and then says they have to go. And all that is what it is, but to get online again and say you’re tired of him and insinuate all of this abuse with bruises on your arms… it’s quite strange. He even posted on his page that he is being abused. And I’m over here like, is this like a ploy to gain followers?

According to her, even though she allowed him to make all of these announcements on her page, he was actually scamming people for money, thinking they were purchasing cookies and hoodies that were never received. She was blaming it all on him but in my opinion, she’s just as guilty because she brought him in and continued the shenanigans, knowing what was going on. So one day, they were fighting again. She decided that she would take her kids to the swimming pool. On their way out, he became mad, I think she said about some money. She decided that she would not give him any more money. She came into her daughters’ room and the oldest was upset and according to them, she was upset because he purposefully tore her coloring book. Then, when he tried to apologize once he got caught, he then picked the oldest who is about six years old, picked her up and locked her outside of their apartment. As her daughter was knocking and yelling to be let back in, she called the police. She then officially moved out and broke up with the man. What I’m thinking about is that she got online, blaming him for everything and weaponizing her following by getting his page banned and all of that. But what got me was that she said that “he could beat on her all he wanted but when he put his hands on her kids, that was it. And when the kids became in danger, she had to go.” I’m wondering if she has since realized that the minute he started abusing her, the kids were always in danger. They were always the next escalation. She says she chose her daughter and decided to leave him alone and that is commendable. So many black women specifically choose men over their children.

I feel that this is why so many who make complaints against abuse are ignored in my opinion. This is why she was ignored. The cops must have felt the temporary angst amongst them. But at the same time, what type of example is she setting forth for herself and her girls. Honestly, if all of it is true, I hope she treads lightly and understands that her situation can soon became a “cried wolf” situation where she makes so many calls and he ends up back over there, until the police simply begin to take their time.